just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
