Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
