hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
