and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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