Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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