I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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