Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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