How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize