Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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