The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
