mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
