I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
