the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
