hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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