I'm drive I can fine osifer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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