I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
