I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
