so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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