The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's never too late to be topless.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
