I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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