I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
