This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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