So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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