That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
