we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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