is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
