"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
