You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
