i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's always time for handjobs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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