So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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