onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize