i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
