Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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