I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
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You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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