I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
