i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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