who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
