The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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