You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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