I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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