I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
