Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
