Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Never underestimate the power of titties
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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