I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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