so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
