y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
