This is not my ceiling
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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