things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
