Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
