dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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