she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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