I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
