Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
