you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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