i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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