why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
