Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
