Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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