i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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