Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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