At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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